Road Trip
by 7AsPiRiNgAuThOr7
Summary: Ever wonder what a road trip with Emmett,Rosalie,Alice,Jasper,Edward,and Bella would be like? Well then quench your curiosity!
1. Everyone Loves Emmett!

**This idea just came to me when I was reading some funny Emmett being crazy fanfics. I thought to myself: What if Emmett, Jasper, Edward, Alice, Rosalie, and Bella all went on a road trip, touring different famous tourist sites from around the U.S.(for now anyway) in good old fashioned road trip style—with an RV! Let's admit it, we need more Emmett sillyness in our lives and Edward wants Bella to have more human experiences before she changes. So here it is! Also, if you want something more serious, check out my first fanfic, Breaking Dawn Spin which is my own version of BD. The POVs in this story are not set in stone. It's just whoever I think will add more comedy to it who owns the next chapter. Enjoy!!**

EPOV

As I looked through my closet and started picking out clothes to pack, I couldn't help but feel a sense of excitement for our upcoming trip. A couple of days ago, Emmett had gotten it into his head that he wanted to go and tour the U.S. with an RV. Of course I had dismissed his thoughts and not taken them seriously…until he came home the next day at the wheel of a luxury RV.

Everybody else had agreed that now that high school was over with, it would be fun to do something different. Since Carlisle still had to work at the hospital and Esme would never dream of leaving his side, it was just us "kids."

When Bella had told Charlie of the trip, he hadn't approved of the fact that no adults would be present on this trip but knowing that we were engaged changed his viewpoint to one of reluctant admittance.

As I packed, I thought of how Bella and I would get to have so much fun together at all these different places we planned on going to. I smiled as I thought of being with Bella uninterrupted for the 3 months before we had to start at Dartmouth.

As I packed my clothes with inhuman speed, I was just about finished when I heard someone knock on the door and then walk in. Seeing as I couldn't read their mind, I knew it was my Bella. Before I could get all the way down the stairs, I saw Emmett flash by me in glee.

"Bella! Aren't you so excited? I'm SO excited!" He bellowed as he gave Bella a huge bear hug than put her back down. Bella staggered to regain her footing as she smiled at Emmett.

"Of course I'm excited. But I can't help thinking you had some hand in this plan to delay my change." She nudged me gently with her elbow and it felt like a feather. I tried to look like she had actually done some damage before slipping my arm around her waist.

"Nope. This was all Emmett." As I said this, we both looked at Emmett who seemed nearly about to explode with excitement for the upcoming trip.

To my utter surprise, he started skipping around the house and singing, "We're goin on a road tip! We're goin on a road tip! La la la la la la!" He stopped once he came face to face with Rosalie who looked bored yet bemused.

"Hey Rose, guess what." He started jumping up and down in place, nearly shaking the delicate house.

"What?" She asked wearily. As I listened in on her mind, I was disgusted to hear her wondering if 12 pairs of bikinis would be enough. I tuned out as I turned my attention back to Emmett's sillyness.

He quickly tapped her nose with a finger as he stopped jumping and said, "We're goin on a road trip!" He yelled in her face before starting to skip upstairs, thankfully, to bug Alice and Jasper, no doubt.

I glanced back at Rosalie to see her roll her eyes and walk outside. I shook my head lightly at Emmett's reaction to the trip and Bella giggled delightedly at his immature little display. As I reveled in her musical laugh, I heard Jasper almost screaming his thoughts upstairs.

_WHAT THE HELL?! This is surely the doing of Emmett, that fiend! _

As I glanced to the stairs curiously, I saw Emmett running down the stairs, still singing that infernal song. I smiled as I thought of the trouble he was about to get into and hoped it might shut him up.

A second after he came down, Jasper was standing in front of him with a white shirt held in his hands.

"Emmett! What is the meaning of this?!" He screamed at Emmett while holding up the shirt for all of us to read. On it, written in sharpie, was a list of all our names with hearts in between. It might be funny at first but it made us all mad at the end. It went:

Bella Hearts Jasper

Jasper Hearts Rose

Rose Hearts Carlisle

Carlisle Hearts Alice

Alice Hearts Edward

Edward Hearts Jasper

EVERYONE HEARTS EMMETT!!

As Bella saw it, she giggled and then turned a deep scarlet as her blush tendency acted up. I had also laughed, until I got to my name.

"You made me _gay_?!" I asked incredulously. I didn't have much of a chance to do any real damage on Emmett since Rose, seeing the shirt, went up behind him and with a good WHACK!, smacked him upside the head.

"This was my favorite shirt Emmett. Alice gave it to me on our 50th anniversary. I can't believe you. On second thought, it is _you _we're talking about so I guess I shouldn't be so surprised you would do such a thing. Inconsiderate buffoon." He mumbled the whole way back upstairs and we all heard an audible crash upstairs as Jasper let out some of his frustration.

"I thought it was funny…" Bella mumbled quietly beside me before wiping the laugher induced tears from her face. I rolled my eyes and sighed at her reaction. As I looked around, I noticed we were missing a family member.

"Bella, where's Alice?" Alice had gone to pick Bella up so that she would not have to leave her truck here.

"Loading my stuff into the RV," she answered. She scrunched up her face and looked out the window to the RV at that moment. "Though I wonder what's taking her so long…" she mused quietly.

Just then, Alice reappeared with a mischievous smile on her face. Before I could ask Alice what she was up to, I heard her thinking towards me: _No chance Edward. You're just going to have to wait to find out. _She then shrugged and skipped lithely upstairs.

As we all packed the necessities and filed outside onto the porch, I couldn't help but notice everyone had CDs in their grasp, along with me. I looked at them all curiously and wondered what that was all about. Alice, noticing my gaze, sighed lightly as she stood in front of the RV and in front of us all.

"Here's the deal; whoever drives, gets to pick the music. No discussion. That's it. Also, the one room with a door belongs to the human. Now let's hit the road!"

**I know it's not that funny now but they're just getting started! Give it time. Also, do you think this is a good idea? I don't think it's ever been done before so it's original but do you guys like it? Would you read it if I kept writing?**


	2. Tangerine Melon Mango Orange

BPOV

As we all piled into the RV, I was shocked to see how big it actually was on the inside. I mean it was absolutely HUGE! After first stepping in, I came across a booth with a table and on the opposite side was a comfy looking couch in the shape of a half-circle. There were cabinets everywhere.

I walked towards the back to see two rooms with beds. One had a door, the other did not. The one without a door also had a small closet which was already overloaded with clothes. I then went into the other bedroom which was to be mine…and Edwards. My heart did a flip flop at the thought as my face flushed with a blush and I breathed deeply to calm myself down.

As everybody else piled in, I remembered at the last minute that I need to get hiking material for the more outdoorsy places we had planned to go to. I turned to the current driver, Alice, and smiled as I listened to her choice of songs. The top 40. Interesting for her to choose something so recent.

"Alice?" I snuck my head around her seat and she met my gaze as she stopped backing out of the Cullen's driveway.

"Yeees Bella?" She smiled her little pixie smile back at me and waited patiently.

"Can we drop by the Newton's outdoor store? I might need to pick up some outdoors stuff. Like boots and such." I smiled back as I waited for her reaction.

"Of course we can! To the Newton's!" She pointed to her left as she finally got onto the main road. I smiled lightly and pulled her hand to point in the opposite direction.

"It's actually _that _way," I said gently. She looked confused for a second before shrugging and turning up the music.

As I walked into the store and expected to see Mike, I was shocked to see a boy resembling Mike with a paper bag on his head. The bag had two holes punched in for eyeholes and his eyes seemed to be shut. I saw his chest rise and fall slowly and heard him snore. I tsked as I shook my head.

There was nobody else in the store and everything looked spic and span. I guess he had just gotten bored and fallen asleep. I shook his shoulder gently and the bag slipped off his head. He startled lightly than squinted his sleepy eyes to look at me.

"Bella?" His eyes widened in surprise as he realized it was me. I smiled and waved with a quick greeting.

"What are you doing here? Do you want your old job back?" He asked with hope obvious in his voice. I almost felt bad about shaking my head no. Almost. As I opened my mouth to speak, I heard the door open and close behind me and turned around to see Emmett standing there with a wide grin on his face.

"We're here to buy Bella some outdoorsy thingies. Ooo like that awesome looking camouflage vest!" He exclaimed with excitement as he went to look at the vest up close. After a second, I saw him run to something else.

"Looky, Bella, looky! It's thermal underwear! Keeps you nice and warm. Might need that for those special nights with Edward huh? Huh?" He wiggled his eyebrows up and down suggestively as he ran off to something else that caught his interest and left me and Mike awkward together. As I tried to find something to say to Mike, I heard a shriek coming from the direction Emmett had gone in. I rolled my eyes with a sigh as we made our way over there.

"Bella! We HAVE to buy a tent! Look how orangey this one is! It's like…it's like…like a TANGARINE MELON MANGO ORANGE!" He exclaimed in awe as he almost bowed down to the tent.

"Emmett, we don't need a tent. We have an RV." I shook my head in irritation as I looked around for the things I would actually need. I grabbed a pair of hiking boots and some hiking material before walking towards the register with Mike on my heel and Emmett following him with an exaggerated pout.

"I wanted the tangerine melon mango orange tent…" He mumbled as he stood behind me with a sniffle. I smiled wryly at Mike before starting to pay the amount with the credit card Edward had basically forced me to use.

"So an RV? Where are you guys going?" Mike asked casually. Or he tried to make it sound casual but I heard the intent curiosity in his voice. I was shocked at how Mike still held a ridiculous hope of me going out with him, especially now that I was engaged to Edward and he knew it.

"We've decided on going on a road trip." I nodded as he handed me the receipt and started putting the items into bags.

"Road trip, road trip, we're goin on a road trip! Yay!" I heard Emmett sing behind me with joy as he took the bags and stepped outside.

"Sorry bout that. He's just really excited." I smiled warmly and turned around to leave. Mike told me bye and I waved at him before stepping into the cloudy Forks summer. The moment I stepped onto the RV, we were on our way.

"So where are we going first?" I asked Alice curiously as I settled in next to Edward on the couch.

"The Salem Witch Trials in Oregon!"

**They're gonna go visit each state starting with the one closest to them. Is it any good? Please review! Also, on the last chapter, Esme was not involved in the little t-shirt fiasco because Emmett loves her way too much to include her in the ridicule. On with the show!**


	3. Cup of Frozen Blood

BPOV

We were finally on the main highway on our way to Salem, Oregon and I couldn't be more excited. Maybe the excitement was getting to me because I felt the overwhelming need to go the bathroom. I was glad that there was a little bathroom in the back of the RV and went to use it.

When I got there, I was shocked to find that there was something essential missing. I turned back around and walked up to Emmett who was playing UNO with Jasper and Rosalie who got roped into it with a guilt trip from Emmett.

"Uh Emmett? There's something missing in the bathroom." I told him as I poked his shoulder to get his attention.

"Oh yeah? What?" He asked, not taking his eyes off the cards in his hand.

"The toilet," I stated as I put my hands on my hips in frustration.

"Oh…that's right. The guy I rented the RV from told me that there was no toilet. Not that we need it." He snorted with a little laugh as I grew madder and madder.

"Hello! Human here!" I nearly yelled as I pointed to myself. That's when he finally turned around and looked at me. His eyes widened as realization hit.

"Oh yeah huh. Oh wellsies." He shrugged than turned back around to the game.

"What?" I asked with shock clear in my voice.

"I can't exactly buy a toilet and put it into the bathroom now Bella. This ain't no etchy sketch. This is one doodle that can't be undid." He shook his head from side to side before putting down a card and jumping up as he yelled, "UNO! HA IN YOUR FACES LOOOOOOSERS!" He also did a little dance by pointing up and shaking his butt from side to side. I made a disgusted face and went to pout by Edward.

"Do you want us to stop at the next gas station?" He asked as he laughed at Emmett's little dance.

"Well, we're going to have to now. Since _Emmett _rented a toiletless RV." I glared at Emmett but he kept going with the game, completely oblivious to my plight.

"Bella, we're vampires. I don't think Emmett has enough brain cells to think about your needs." He told me gently as he tried to lift the corner of my mouth into a smile. I reluctantly agreed and scooted closer to him as he put his arm around me.

"Of course I thought about her needs. Check that cabinet up there." He motioned with his head to a small cabinet in the corner. Edward looked at Emmett for a minute curiously but not being able to hear anything interesting from his thoughts, he got up and opened the cabinet door. The minute he opened it, little packets of foil assaulted him and piled on the ground. The cabinet had been loaded to the very top with the little packets.

Edward looked at the pile slowly growing at his feet with a curious brow raised and then realizing what they were, he turned around to face Emmett angrily.

"This is for Bella's needs?!" He shouted at Emmett. I could hear a small growl building in his chest as I kept staring at the little packets, still not realizing what they were.

"Well, no. It's for both of you. Present from me. Mazal tov bro." He then groaned lightly as Rosalie called UNO before him and made him take a pile of cards.

I watched Edward as he let out the growl and then closed his eyes with an irritated sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. He then closed the cabinet door before leaning down and collecting all the little packets and walking to throw them away. One dropped at my feet and I leaned down to examine it closely. Seeing what it was, I felt myself blush profusely before reading the word written on it aloud.

"Apple flavored?" I was simply wondering to myself but the rest of the Cullens heard me quite clearly.

"You know Bella, an apple a day keeps the doctor away." Emmett answered me seriously.

"But if the doctor's cute, screw the fruit!" Alice added from the front.

"Well, that mountain in the cabinet might help in that feat." Jasper chuckled from beside Alice, studying a map in his hands.

"Et tu Jasper?" Edward sadly shook his head once more. "You know, I would really appreciate it if all of you just stayed out of me and Bella's…physical relationship." He said this last part quickly but I caught it and turned even redder, if that was possible.

Emmett shrugged as he took two more cards. "Just thought you needed a push."

"Or a hundred." Rosalie giggled as she looked pointedly at the stack in Edward's arms right before he deposited them all in the trash.

As Emmett jumped up once more, I saw him slap down his last card and start doing the little dance again.

"CHICKA CHICKA YEAH!! WHO'S YOUR UNO DADDY!! GO EMMETT, GO EMMETT! IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY! UHUH OH YEAH WHOO!" He screamed in glee as his dance shook the RV.

"Good job Emmett!" I said sarcastically. "Here's your reward." I flicked the foil packet at him and it hit his head before dropping onto the table. His eyes crossed as he tried to see where it hit him. I rolled my eyes and leaned back.

"Thanks Bella!" He exclaimed enthusiastically with no hint of sarcasm in his voice. Edward also rolled his eyes as he sat back down next to me.

"Restroom stop for the human!" Alice yelled as she pulled into the gas station. I stood up and stretched before walking to the gas station.

As I washed my hands and came out the restroom, I saw Emmett browsing the aisles.

"Emmett, what are you doing?" I asked as I went to stand next to him.

"Looking for something to buy you. What you wants missy?" He asked as he picked up a packet of raisins curiously before putting it back down.

"Hmm…how about a slushie?" I asked him as I walked towards the machine.

"A whadda huh?" He asked as he followed me. As I filled up the cup with some cherry slushie, I saw Emmett gasp beside me and then scrunch up his face in disgust. I stuck a straw in and took a sip.

"Trust me, it's good." I nodded as I took another sip.

"Riiiiiiight. Ok. My treat." We walked up to the cashier and Emmett stepped in front of me.

"How much for the cup of frozen blood?" He asked the guy casually.

"Excuse me?" He asked with surprise.

I quickly stepped around Emmett's huge presence and held up the cup. The guy shook his said and clearly muttered, "Out of towners," before ringing it up. Emmett paid the exact amount with coins which went agonizingly slow.

Emmett walked onto the RV before me and as I climbed up, I heard him say, "Guess what Bella got."

Everyone looked at the cup in my hand before looking at each other and shrugging.

"It's grooooooooss." He added as a hint.

I sighed lightly before trying to explain. "It's just—" Emmett cut me off as he pointed at my cup accusingly.

"A CUP OF FROZEN BLOOD!" He yelled ominously.

Everyone looked back at me and then at the cup in my hand.

"Guys, it's just a slushie." Everyone gave a unanimous "Ohhh," in understanding before going back to what they were doing before Emmett interrupted.

"I'm telling you it's a cup of frozen blood! Bella's a vampire! Guess you won't need a toilet after all…"

**Oh Emmett. Tsk tsk. If you guys don't know what the little packets were…well ok you HAVE to know. So the phrases "This ain't no etchy sketch. This is one doodle that can't be undid & An apple a day keeps the doctor away but if the doctor is cute screw the fruit" came from Nosuchthingashappilyeverafter and their hilarious story Notes Galore! Go check it out. Also, Emmett's disgust was for the frozen part cuz supposing it's frozen blood, well cold blood is gross. On with the show! Also, I managed to write up a new chapter for my first fanfic--Breaking Dawn Spin along with this one. Yay!**


	4. Daaaaang! Alice! Evil!

BPOV

"Come on Bella! We're here! Wakey wakey eggs and bakey! Ok actually it's eggs and toast cuz the hotel didn't have anything else but food all tastes the same—gross—so I didn't think it mattered. Now GET UP! You're gonna miss all the fun if you keep sleeping the day away!"

I startled out of my sleep at the sound of Emmett's booming voice. I grumbled and pulled a pillow over my head moaning for 5 more minutes.

"No more minutes!! Sleep is so overrated. You humans waste so much time on sleep that you miss out on all the fun stuff that goes on around four in the morning. Like how I beat Jasper at wrestling. Te he!" Emmett giggled like a little school girl and I couldn't help grinning into my pillow.

"He did not beat me. He's delusional." I heard Jasper at the door and mentally rolled my eyes at the two.

"I did so beat you! That's not fair! Rose didn't I beat him fair and square?" I heard him yell out over his shoulder.

"Actually, I wasn't paying attention to you two because if I wanted to see two buffoons, I would simply go to the zoo." I heard a bored voice shoot back and my heart melted as I heard Edward's chuckle near my ear. I pulled my head up to look at him and his eyes smoldered as he looked back at me.

It would have been a perfect moment if Emmett hadn't squished in next to me, pushing me towards Edward and probably causing a bruise in the process. Instead of cuddling up to Edward though, Emmett managed to push me enough to force Edward off the bed somehow. I peeked over the edge of the bed to see a shocked looking Edward on the floor. He started composing himself then the next second he was leaning against the side of the RV with his arms crossed and a guarded look on his face.

"Emmett, leave Bella alone. You're going to break her bed and we don't want the situation to be like the toilet." I heard Alice chipping in as she glanced at us through the doorway.

Ah, the toilet situation. I never considered myself as one of those people with an extremely small bladder but I _am _human after all so it ended up with me cringing uncomfortably and trying to hold it for as long as I could. This became unnecessary after I had been holding it for 5 hours and Alice stared at me for a while in the rearview mirror before wincing and saying, "Bella, I honestly don't think we can return that couch in a lesser condition than it was in." Considering hint taken.

Emmett pouted for a second before quickly rushing off the bed and as the bed bounced back, I almost flew right off.

"Where are we anyway?" I asked with a yawn.

"Salem, Oregon. Where the witch trials were. Ooooo spooky." Emmett made a few ghost sounds and started pouting once more when he looked around and saw nobody was paying attention to him.

"Actually, they weren't actual witches. It was just LSD in the wheat from which they made bread that made them have hallucinations and fevers but since they didn't know about drugs back then, they blamed it on witches. Then they started accusing women they had grudges against as the witches and after having a trial in court, they were found to be witches because they couldn't _prove _themselves to be otherwise. So they were hanged." I said matter-of-factly as Emmett paid attention, surprisingly. It was everybody else who already knew this and were doing their own thing.

"NO…WAY! Are you serious? Whaaaaat that's crazy! So if they thought I was a witch right now, they'd hang me?" He asked seriously.

"Why Emmett? Are you a witch?" Edward asked with a smirk on his face.

"I could be. How do you know those women weren't?" He asked smugly.

We all looked at each other before Rosalie said, "Emmett, dear, there's no such thing as witches. Now get ready to go."

Emmett pouted some more before disappearing from my line of vision. Wait. Go?

"Go where?" I asked curiously. Edward looked at me for a second before shrugging and looking away.

"Hunting, of course." Emmett said like I was having a DUH moment.

Well this was just dandy. They wake me up to tell me they're going hunting. No wonder Edward wouldn't look me in the eye. I rolled myself off the bed and went into the bathroom with a "Have fun" thrown behind my back.

When I came out, I found Edward and only Edward sitting at the booth, running a poker chip back and forth between his fingers.

"What happened to hunting?" I asked suspiciously.

"I don't need it." He shrugged and I went to sit in his lap. I traced the black bruises under his eyes and tsked him while I closed my own eyes. I took a deep breath and stood up.

"I can't believe you're doing this to yourself to be with me. Honestly Edward. That is just typical Bella Swan behavior." He smiled sheepishly as I sat across from him in the booth.

"What can I say, I'm a Bella Swan advocate."

After 10 minutes, I went to slide in next to him and have some private time but he shook his no, leaving me disappointed and self-conscious. So now we were playing poker. Oh yay. Beats making out any day. NOT.

Just as I was about to put down my cards and walk into the other room, Emmett burst into the RV with a triumphant "I CAUGHT YOU LOVEBIRDS! HA!"

We both stared at Emmett like his head was about to pop off and his face fell as he took in the cards in our hands and our body positions leaning away from each other.

"Daaaaang! Alice! Evil!" He stomped into the other room as Edward started chuckling. That's when I got it. DUH moment indeed. Edward had known Emmett was going to do this so he had kept us playing stupid card games.

"Oh don't worry Emmett. I'm sure you'll catch us in a compromising sometime. We don't have as much self control as you seem to assume we do. Trust me on that." Edward winked at me when I looked at him as he said this. Yeah right. I wouldn't bet my truck on that statement that's for sure.

**Longest Road Trip one so far. Not too funny? Yeeeeah idk. Hope you enjoyed it anyway...**


	5. No Good Dirty Rotten Rosalie Stealers

BPOV

"Uh Emmett…what's with the getup?" I looked Emmett up and down from his shiny black shoes to his felt brown hat. He looked like a pilgrim straight out of the history books.

Emmett looked at me incredulously and snorted. "Bella, come on. We're going to an official witch trial site. I wanted to look authentic."

He snapped the suspenders that were hidden under his shirt with a little too much enthusiasm and to everyone's utter shock and surprise (except Alice, of course), his corduroy pants fell down around his ankles, revealing a pair of orange boxers with witches on brooms covering it. I wanted to look away but it was like a train wreck—so awful that you just couldn't bring yourself to look away. Of course Alice and I were going into hysterics, giggling like crazy but all Rosalie did was roll her eyes and flip her hair before she sighed and walked away.

"Whoopsies. Hehe." Emmett laughed with a flustered look on his face and he quickly pulled his pants up and tied the broken suspenders around his waist like a makeshift belt. It didn't make much difference to me because I was on the verge of tears from laughing so much.

Edward had watched the whole situation with a bemused look on his face but not he was staring at me worriedly. "Uh Bella? You okay over there?" By this point, I was laughing so hard that I couldn't get enough air in and started coughing. After I calmed down enough to gulp in some air, I realized Emmett was no longer the one being stared at. Greeeeeeat.

I cleared my throat loudly. "Yeah so let's get to that tour." I looked away quickly as I felt my face burn with a blush.

"Suuuuuure, Bells. Whatever you say." Emmett said with a cough that I knew was to cover up a laugh.

The tour was alright. It wasn't too interesting since all the things they talked about most of us already knew. When I say most of us, I mean everyone except Emmett. He was really into the fact that they hanged innocent women without proving anything. I would've thought that as weird if it were anyone else but since it was Emmett. Well, no explanation necessary. It's _Emmett. _All the interesting stuff actually came after the tour.

Besides us, there were 3 other groups taking the tour. One group looked straight out of a tourist cliché. They had on hawaiin shirts and a stack of brochures that they were desperately trying to stuff into their fanny packs with no avail. The next group looked incredibly bored and only seemed to be there for their children who seemed to be doing a good job of not staying still for a measly second. The last group didn't look much older than me and I realized this was my least favorite group since the girls kept throwing flirtatious looks Edward's way while the guys of the group were appreciatively looking Rosalie up and down. Honestly. Do people have no shame nowadays?

Our tour guide, Honest Bob (I'm completely serious), told us that we were to play a little game. Everybody was getting a scrap of paper and on the scrap was written either witch or normal. He said there would only be one witch in the entire 4 groups while everybody else would be normal. The object of the game was to correctly accuse and "hang" the witch. Needless to say, Emmett was more excited about the game than the bouncing kids. The game would last the next 2 days and end right before we left. When we got to the hotel to check in, Emmett could barely contain his excitement.

"Oh boy! A game! This is gonna be soooooooooooo much fun huh Bella?" He was jumping up and down in glee and he might have knocked down the whole hotel lobby if Rosalie hadn't shot him a quick look of annoyance that stopped him right then and there.

"Hi there how can I help you folks?" The elderly man asked us kindly.

"Yes. What's the limit of people per room?" Alice asked the man to receive the answer of 3.

"Great. Then we'll have 2 rooms. One for the girls and one for the guys."

Honestly, I don't think even Alice knew the reaction Emmett would have to this. We all jumped as Emmett shouted an exuberant "NO!" We all turned to look at him in shock and the elderly man held his chest with a deer caught in headlights look on his face as he took in Emmett.

"No?" Alice asked in irritation.

"No. Me and Rosalie get a honeymoon suite." He crossed his arms and pouted.

"You mean Rosalie and I." I corrected as I rolled my eyes at him.

"No. I mean me and Rosalie," he said again.

"No, you mean Rosalie and I." Alice corrected him. This made Emmett furious all of a sudden.

"Why is everyone trying to get a room with my Rosalie? It's _me _and Rosalie. Not Alice and Rosalie and definitely not Bella and Rosalie. She's _mine_. So quit trying to steal her!" He pointed at Alice and me accusingly.

"No Emmett, you don't understand. They were just correcting your gra—" Edward was silenced by a murderous look from Emmett. Edward held his hands up in innocence and took a step back.

"Hey now. _I _don't want her. But you can't stay in a honeymoon suite. It's going to be 2 rooms and that's that." Edward stated with conviction.

"Well then I hope the 4 of you have a good time in that room because me and Rosalie get a room all to ourselves." He looked completely convinced of what he was saying and Alice narrowed her eyes to slits as she took a step toward him.

"Now you listen to me you—" She didn't get to finish as Rosalie stepped in between Alice and Emmett's furious looking form.

"Alice, honestly. We'll just get ourselves a room and you and Bella can stay in a room while Jasper and Edward stay in another. It's not like we don't have the money for it." She shrugged and stared at Alice nonchalantly.

Alice looked at the two of them for a few more minutes before stepping back, next to Jasper, and sighing in exasperation.

"Fine. Whatever." Then she turned toward the old man and asked for 3 rooms. The old man got her the keys with shaking hands and disappeared behind a door soon after. I guessed that Oregonians got spooked a little too easily.

"No good, dirty, rotten Rosalie stealers." I heard Emmett whisper in our direction before he disappeared around the corner.

Alice and I looked at each other in annoyance before shrugging and going into our room.

**Hi.Got bored with homework so I decided to do some writing and this is what came out of my weird, weird brain. Oh let me suggest a really good book to you people. It's Generation Dead by Daniel Waters. Really good. Till next time. Oh yes and please acknowledge my existence by reviewing. Cheers.**


	6. Good Luck In The Hanging

BPOV

I woke up groggily and opened my eyes to see Alice's face right up to mine. I gave a little scream but she didn't even flinch.

"Oh good. You're up." She smiled a dazzlingly bright smile and walked towards the closet we had both hung our clothes in the day before.

I groaned and pulled a pillow over my head. Than I threw the pillow at Alice's back but she caught it, already anticipating the hostile move. "Why are you Cullens so bent up on waking me up in the worst ways possible? Couldn't a gentle 'Bella, wake up' been enough? Noooo. One has to go screaming at me about toast and now I wake up to find you staring at me looking all deranged, waiting for me to wake up." I pushed the covers off in frustration and leaned on my elbows.

"If that's really the one thing you find the craziest about us, I don't know if I should feel flattered or check you into a mental institution. Now, we have a lot to do today so I suggest you get yourself a shower and get ready. You know Emmett won't wait for you. He's like a squirrel on crack." I wearily watched her as she flipped through the clothes with amazing speed. Speaking of squirrels on crack…

I closed my eyes and mentally prepared myself for another day with Emmett and jumped into the shower. When I came out, Alice was nowhere to be seen but she had a full outfit lying on the bed, just waiting to be worn. I rolled my eyes with a sigh and reluctantly put on the clothes. I guess I would have to get used to her picking out my clothes since it will probably occur more often once Edward and I got married.

I walked into the breakfast area/dining room in the hotel and quickly spotted them. It wasn't all that hard but not for the reasons I thought. Yes, their pale skin made them easier to spot but what really pulled my attention to them was Emmett…with a giant pile of food in front of him. I curiously made my way over and sat down at an empty chair. Edward gave me a giant smile and a wink but went back to watching Emmett. I glanced around to see that they were all watching Emmett, Rosalie with mild interest, as usual.

"What's going on," I whisper to Edward. His smile gets bigger as he leans in to whisper back. "Jasper dared Emmett to eat three different kinds of food and we're waiting for him to make his choices." I raised my brows in surprise and turned my attention to Emmett who was struggling with a serious dilemma before him: French toast or pancakes. He already had bacon and eggs sitting aside.

I tried to stifle a giggle as he finally picked the pancakes and started placing packet after packet of butter on the pile. "Dude, the butter is not going help it taste any better," Jasper told him with a snort.

Emmett shot him a piercing glare and said, "It will be a masterpiece" in the haughtiest tone he could manage before adding even more butter to the already drowning pancakes. We all looked at each other and this time, I wasn't the only one trying not to laugh.

When he had added at least 20 packets of butter and the pancakes were barely visible, he finally held up his knife and fork to let us know he was ready to start. Our attentions went to him as he pulled the plate of eggs to him. He made a big show of cutting it up into miniscule bites. Than, he put a piece in his mouth and chewed slowly before swallowing.

The seconds ticked by as we all stared, waiting for some kind of confirmation. Finally, he put his fork down and wipes his lips with a napkin.

"Tastes like…crap." He announced and we all fell back laughing. I looked at the pancakes and told Emmett that he shouldn't have wasted all those pancakes.

"It's not a waste. It's Mount Butterton. Get it? Butter-TON." He giggled before jumping out of his seat and skipping out of the hotel.

"Wow. Any sort of intelligence that he seemed to have in those few minutes has been completely wiped out by that statement." Jasper shook his head and took the plates over to the trash. I got up as well and started picking out food from the little buffet. Once I had everything I wanted, I sat back down and was relieved that Edward was the only one there.

"They went to go look around…and keep Emmett from doing something stupid. I keep telling them that it's an impossible task but they never listen to me." He shook his head and shrugged, waiting for me to finish so we could follow.

Once we were out in the cloudy air, I couldn't help noticing how much Salem resembled Forks. As we were walking along, though, we came across a large crowd of people, appearing to be watching something. Edward and I made our way through the crowd to see what was going on.

Oh no. It was Emmett, pointing at Alice. I didn't understand why everyone was watching so intently though. I asked someone next to me what was going on. He whispered, "The large guy just accused that small chick of being a witch." I looked back and rolled my eyes before pushing through and walking up to Emmett.

"Emmett, what's going on?" I asked while going to stand next to Alice. Before I knew it, he was pointing at me.

"I accuse you of being a witch too!" Than he said something under his breath that I couldn't pick out but Alice seemed to hear him seeing as her eyes turned into tiny slits of anger and her hands curled into fists.

I looked at Alice in confusion and when she saw me, she whispered, "He said that's what we get for being 'Rosalie stealers.' Imbecile." She shook her head and walked away. She didn't get far as our tour guide, Honest Bob, showed up and stood before her, blocking her way.

"Hold on there. You ladies have both been accused of being witches. By the rules of Salem, I am obliged to throw you in jail until you are proven innocent." He said this in a very serious voice but a huge smile appeared on his face once he finished. He pulled out two plastic cuffs and told us that he had to put them on. Alice and I both glared at Honest Bob and then at Emmett as we held out hands behind our backs.

The stupid plastic things held my hands together quite tightly but I could tell they didn't bother Alice any. As we stood next to each other, she whispered, "Be afraid. Be very afraid." I knew it was meant for the vampire ears alone since I barely made out the words myself. Emmett turned her way and gave her a huge smile.

"Have fun in jail, witch. Good luck in the hanging." He then had the gall to wave at us. I looked around for Edward and saw him giving me an exasperated look. I returned it and shrugged.

"Oh no, there's going to be a trial before any punishment is handed out," Honest Bob informed us with that annoyingly cheery voice.

Great. Now I had to wait in jail to be proven that I'm not a witch. This day just could not get any better.

**Sooo. I'm back. Again. For like the 50th time. Hope you enjoyed. Please review. Gbye. **


	7. You Guys Suck Donkeys!

BPOV

I raised my head up and looked at Alice glowing white in the dim lit basement. When Honest Bob had said that we were going to jail, well, he certainly was honest. When we had made our way down the dank area, I had first been horrified to find that there really were iron bars. It eerily resembled a jail cell but possibly dirtier and wetter. I tried not to inhale too much because it smelled like old mildew.

I was glad that Honest Bob had taken the restricting plastic cuffs off but now we were stuck in the cell with no actual way out. I shook my head when Alice turned her attention to me.

"Why does stuff like this always end up happening to me?" I asked her wearily. I didn't know how long we'd been in the makeshift cell but I had a feeling that a considerable amount of time had passed.

"Because you hang around us. And Emmett. I mean honestly, him being mauled by a bear should really have been the first hint that he's trouble but nooooo. Rosalie wants him so we have to put up with his stupid half-assed ideas." Alice sighed and glared at the wall in front of her. At least there were bunk beds with clean mattresses. Having to sit on the floor would have been too much for either of us to handle.

"He's alright. He helped save me a bunch of times so he can't be too bad. I guess it's just his sense of humor that's a little wacky." I shrugged and closed my eyes.

"At least we'll have some luck. Oregon's a pretty rainy place so the trial and possible 'hanging' won't be done in the sun. If there were any possibility of that happening, I would've broken us out of here by now. But we don't need the extra attention so I'll wait. Oh, but I _will _get my revenge," Alice whispered threateningly. I shivered despite the fact that the only threat was to Emmett. When a vampire uses that tone within 10 feet of you, you kind of get the feeling to run. Far and fast.

We waited a while more but when Alice told me that she saw the trial taking place six hours later, I knew I needed to get some shut eye. "Go ahead. I'll keep watch and wake you if anything happens but I highly doubt it." My last thoughts as I fell asleep were if we could sue Honest Bob for placing us under temporary arrest and forcing us in this dark, dank place.

"So," I heard Alice whisper next to me, "you got your weird wish. I'm giving you a gentle wake up call and look—I'm not even watching you." I opened and eye to indeed see that she was facing away from me.

I snorted and stretched. "How great for you. I'm so proud. We getting out of here yet or what?" I asked with a giant yawn and stood up to stretch my legs. The mattress wasn't very long and I'd felt a little scrunched up. Definitely not the best sleep I've ever gotten.

"Yes. I hear someone coming down the stairs. It's Honest Bob." She sounded annoyed and stepped back next to me.

"How much you want to bet he's got that annoyingly cheerful smile of his on?" I whispered lightly. She smirked when Honest Bob came into view, most definitely with that wide smile fixed into place.

"I hope you ladies…I mean witches had a good night's sleep because you'll probably be found guilty in the trial. We don't take kindly to witches here." He winked at Alice good-naturedly but Alice turned her head towards me with a heavy eye roll. I tried to keep from laughing.

What banished all thoughts of laughter was the reappearance of the plastic cuffs. "Sorry, but honestly, we don't get that many tourists here so when we do, we kind of have to keep up appearances. Just bear with me and you'll be free soon enough. That is if you don't hang." Alice and I looked at each other for a quick second before Alice huffed angrily.

"Who's this _we _you keep talking about? I'm getting the feeling it's not a we but a _you._ In which case, I think we'll sue you the second we get out of here. And I'm sure we'll win if you don't declare yourself insane," Alice said smugly with a smile on her face.

Bella's mouth opened in surprise when Honest Bob started laughing heartily. "Oh, that's a good one. Go ahead and try to sue me but you won't get far. The papers you signed at the beginning clearly say that you can't sue me for anything that you experience while participating in the game. Too bad, so sad." This comment reminded me of Emmett's childish ways and I glared at Ol' Bob's laughing back.

When he brought us into the trial room, I sighed in dismay to see that it looked like an authentic courtroom. Glad that the cuffs came off, I started to sigh but it got stuck in my throat when I saw who the judge was. Of course. Who else would it be but great, wonderful, Honest Bob.

"We're gathered here today to conduct the trial of these two women who have been accused as being witches. Unfortunately…or fortunately, however you may choose to see it, only one of them can be a witch as pertaining to the rules of the game," declared Honest Bob in a ridiculously regal manner.

"What?!" screamed Emmett from the witness stand. "I accused them both as witches! They both have to hang! They haaaaaave to! This isn't fair! I hate this place!" Emmett's whining was an impressive display of childishness that I have never seen before. He even stomped his foot for good measure.

"Don't worry my good pilgrim! Your accusations do not fall on deaf ears. If one of them cannot be found as innocent, than they are both considered guilty and therefore must hang." Honest Bob smiled and gestured for the gathering crowd to come in and take a seat in witnessing our humiliation.

"That's stupid. The only way one of us can be found innocent is if one of us declares ourselves guilty," Alice quipped and I nodded in support.

"Shut your mouth. The accused cannot speak until the witness gives his testimony." Honest Bob glared at us but we both ignored it and glared right back. If looks could kill, me and Alice's glares would have had Bobby there choking on that smile of his.

"That's right. Shut up, witches." Emmett clapped his hands in glee then had the nerve to stick his tongue out at us! I looked around while Emmett and Alice had a glaring match and my eyes caught on Edward's. He looked mad. No, he looked _furious._ That made me feel a little better but not much. I was hungry and wanted a shower ASAP.

The trial went on and on and _on. _In the end, Alice and I were both declared guilty and sentenced to hang. Honest Bob actually gave us the choice of hanging now or staying in the prison than hanging the next day. We chose now.

He escorted us out to the ropes dangling down and slipped the noose around our necks one by one. Emmett looked pretty pleased with himself but then again, he had gotten his way. As always.

Of course we didn't actually hang. It was just made to look like we had. Honest Bob even gave us a moment of silence (ha!) before pulling the noose off of our necks and handing us certificates saying we had been declared witches and hung.

"Lovely," Alice told him with a sneer. "I'll go home right away and hang this up next to my PhD. Imbecile." Honest Bob finally had some sense in backing away and then running out of sight. Emmett, however, didn't have any sense and so came up to us smugly.

"You're both witches. Na na na na na na. You both hanged. Ha! This was the bestest trip ever!" Emmett started to skip away but didn't get far because Alice tripped him. He would have succeeded in catching himself if Edward hadn't stuck his own foot out at that second—oops—and we all watched him crash to the ground clumsily.

"You guys suck! All I wanted was a little fun but nooo. You guys have to take everything so serious and stuff. You never let me have any fun." He hmphed and crossed his arms across his massive chest stubbornly.

"You want fun you massive child? Fine. Let's go find a forest full of bears and I'll give you some fun." Alice glared at him icily but Emmett simply glared back.

"You guys suck donkeys!" he yelled at us, looking everyone in the eye one by one.

"We suck _donkeys_? Whaa—?" I asked, clearly at a loss for words.

"Yep. Donkeys. You're a smart witch. Figure it out."

**Yeah. Another one. Wahoo for me :-) I really like this little story I got going and I just couldn't bear to leave it. So I will continue. In due time. While you're waiting, please review. **


	8. Ack! I Have A Bug In My Eye!

BPOV

We were back in the RV and it was Rosalie's turn to drive. She chose to listen to light rock. That was just fine with me. I watched Alice and Edward glare at Emmett icily. It made me squirm in my seat.

"Uh, guys? Where are we going?" I asked gently. I didn't want those eyes aimed my way, that was for sure.

"Idaho," Alice answered me cheerily before continuing to glare at Emmett. She was still not over the whole witch trial thing. I sighed and shook my head.

"Yes you are," Emmett supplied and all heads in the RV turned to look at him. He grinned widely and went back to playing on his PSP. I watched Alice become as still as a statue.

"What. Did. You. Say?" she asked through clenched teeth. My heart started pumping faster at her tone and I squished farther into my seat.

Emmett lifted his head to look at Alice and shrugged. "You said Idaho. And I agreed. What's the problem?"

Before I could say a word, I felt a rush of wind and saw that the spots where Alice and Emmett had been sitting a mere second ago were now empty. Actually, the two were nowhere to be seen inside the RV. I heard a thud and growl come from the roof of the RV before Alice reappeared. And she had a mischievous little smile on her face.

"Well, this is going to be a fun trip. Don't you think so Edward?" She giggled. Jasper and Rosalie rolled their eyes in unision while Edward looked a little confused. Once Alice looked up pointedly, Edward started chuckling and nodded.

"Yes. I have to say I think I'm going to enjoy the nine hour drive indeed," he replied.

I was still lost. What were they talking about and where was Emmett?

"Guys, where's--" I started asking but was interrupted by a shouting from the vicinity of the roof of the RV.

"Hey! Let me down from here! Rosalie! Ack! I have a bug in my eye! Guys?! Anyone?!" Emmett screamed and I knew for sure that Alice had somehow strapped him onto the roof while we were still moving. Then, I swear I heard him start sobbing. Alice and Edward rolled their eyes this time but I crossed my arms.

"Don't you think this is a little too harsh a punishment for the whole witch trial thing?" I asked Alice gently. I didn't want to be next to go on the roof so I was a little wary.

Alice laughed her tinkling little laugh and shook her head. "Oh, no, Bella. That's not for the witch trial. _That's _for calling me a ho." Then she stuck her tongue out at the roof although Emmett couldn't really see her. Actually, Emmett was still yelling his head off between bouts of fake sobbing.

"Rosalie?!" he screamed again and everyone turned to see what Rosalie would do. She glanced back at us and shrugged before turning up the music to try and drown out Emmett's voice.

Alice clapped her hands together and said, "Excellent!" She said it in such a creepy way that I felt a shudder go through me, I swear.

Two hours later, I made up that I had to go to the restroom so we could stop at the next gas station. Alice started pouting because she knew she would have to untie Emmett from the roof so people wouldn't look at us like freaks and call the fuzz because we had a huge guy tied to the roof of an RV, screaming his head off to get down. Yeeeaaaah. That wouldn't go over too well with others.

She eventually got him back inside the RV where he went and sat in the corner with a "humph!" and wouldn't talk to us. Jasper got too close to him once and he just stared at Jasper until he started to back away.

It was my turn to roll my eyes. "Oh, come on, Emmett! You can't just sulk in the corner the whole trip! Cheer up!"

He glared at me in such a way that I had to sit down that's how bad it was. If looks could kill, I would be on the floor wriggling to my death by now. Edward sat beside me and patted my shoulder consolingly.

"Don't worry about Mr. Pouty over there. He'll be fine. Now, how excited are you that we're going to Idaho?" he asked and turned to look at Emmett warningly. Sure enough, Emmett had opened his mouth to say something but closed it with a snap before sticking his tongue out at us and then went back to glaring at us.

I shrugged. "Idaho? I've never been but I've never exactly wanted to go either. It just doesn't seem like there would be much to do there."

Alice came and sat in front of us on the floor of the RV. "Well, to nature nuts like us, there's TONS to do in Ida...uh, there." She glanced at Emmett once then turned back.

"We're going to Hell's Canyon," Jasper added from beside Rosalie, never tearing his eyes away from the map.

"Hell's Canyon?" I asked dumbly. I didn't know anywhere else besides Forks, La Push, and Phoenix. It was all a new experience for me.

"It's a canyon gorge with a river running through it and everything. It's beautiful. We'll get to see the sunrise but unfortunately, we won't be able to go until night," Edward said. Of course. They obviously couldn't go out into the sun. I nodded and after half an hour or so, I drifted off on the couch.

**I'm baaaaaack!! Miss me? Hope so! :D So here's what happened...school! Anywho, I got this email from fanfic saying people were adding this as their fave story and whatnot and it shocked me! Cuz I stopped writing this a loooooooooooong time ago. So I thought to myself, well, aren't I stupid! People actually like this enough to keep reading regardless. Unbeliavable! So I will do my best to keep going!! Thank you for reading!! This is for everyone out there. Oh! And as always, please review!! :D**


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